Mind the Gap

This is not just a warning for subways and metros. It is also a reminder to pay attention to where you are leaving too much of a gap between yourself and others. As a Montreal psychologist in private practice for over 20 years, I have seen the consequences of this. Let me explain.

A gap is the distance between two points. It can be between two people. You and someone else. The size of the gap will influence the size of the potential problem.

This should not be confused with taking some space from a particular problem or situation to give yourself time to cool off, reflect and take appropriate and constructive actions. What I am talking about is avoidance and the problems that can arise from not dealing with issues.

In my work as a Montreal psychologist, I have seen the consequences of such inaction. Ironically the desire to avoid conflict only tends to create more conflict.

Whether it’s Mary who hasn’t paid her bills and now owes interest and penalties or Frank who doesn’t want to deal with a problem at work because it involves confrontation and possible conflict, both people will have to pay a bigger price for not dealing with the issue sooner than later. In Frank’s case, not dealing with a problem at work for example, not telling a client that their order will be late to arrive, will only cause him anxiety, guilt and more anger once his client finds out the truth.

This can happen in personal relationships as well when one partner is not addressing situations with their significant other be it about money, work, other relationships, family etc. The partner or person left in the dark, begins to fill in the gap with their own projections or interpretations. This person may jump to many wrong or worse conclusions or the unaddressed problem simply festers and becomes a much BIGGER problem, creating even more conflict.

The gap created by avoiding an issue just gets worse!

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